a quiet i seek is a silence i betray

by Ellie McCullough

she did not wish to be a dilettante in this bittersweet affection
silver on her tongue, burning with curiosity, dripping
like pomegranate juice down her chin, landing
on soft skin, dissolving, disappearing,
hiding where no one would find it

and does this persist, this, the thing
thrumming up her spine, wandering withershins around
her chest, this which beat loud in her ears, a silence reverberating,
echoing louder than she thought possible
would she feel this tomorrow, she wondered?

she listened with touch, and listened sweet
because these calloused fingers pulsed with
something like a heartbeat, something like
a celestial fondness, stringing from star to star to
star, a constellation held together with gold twine

she imagined devotion breathing, brightening, tumbling,
a cherry blossom dropping like rain from its flowering tree,
shivering like a spiderweb in the wind, but
eros never told the truth, no,
this was not ambrosia that stole her breath from her lungs

she listened sweet, yes, and found cacophony
and in this silent din she sought quiet
she asked questions of the ripples stirring the lake
and slept in the flowerbed separating love and clarity
begging for a compromise, whispering

i loved you yesterday, but what today?
a quiet i seek is a silence i betray